Discouraged
August 14, 2008 by Mommy Zabs
Filed under Uncategorized
I have been contemplating strange things lately. I feel like every day I find out about a new friend that has had an affair or gotten a divorce. Nashville is full of these things as I’m sure many other parts of the country are. This week as my aunt and I were discussing the forced vaccination against the HPV virus she said something that has me in a sad state (when I think about it). Someone I know has HPV. She says most her friends have it. I still don’t think the vaccine should be forced, but please let’s not make this debate in the comments…. you can put HPV in the search engine of my blog and find other posts that are for that. My point is that she said, no matter what you do as a parent, kids still make decisions to sleep around. When I said that, “yeah, that’s possible”… she said, “no, probable”. I am haunted by these words.
Though there is truth in what she said and knowing her family I see where she is coming from… it has really hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m one of those crazy people that stayed a virgin till I was married. I don’t think this makes me better than anyone else. I committed to it at 15 and by the grace of God kept it. More and more though, those around me have purity that is dropping like flies. People that always believed in purity and faithfulness leaving their spouses to live different lifestyles.
I guess I just feel a sense of defeat and need some encouragement. I want a marriage that stands out in this world. I want kids that aren’t afraid to stay pure. Am I crazy to expect that though? Am I just a total prude? The concept of Holiness is confusing me. It’s so hard to find, but I want it, badly.
Again I hope this post doesn’t come of judgemental… i’m just being real. I’m tired of what I see going on around me. I want a break from it. I want to see more people I can look up to.
Kyle Chowning on Thu, 14th Aug 2008 11:05 pm
E - you’re not a prude. You, like me, want the best for ourselves and our kids. The truth is, people leave, let go of purity and sleep around all the time…what they don’t tell us is the horrible anguish that it causes families, friends and worst of all…their kids for decades. Nobody talks about that part.
I stand with you. I want a stand out marriage. I want purity and I want kids who will not hope for purity, but value it beyond the temporary pressures of culture.
Jordan (MamaBlogga) on Thu, 14th Aug 2008 11:51 pm
I would love NOT to have a stand out marriage—I wish the standard were still total chastity before marriage and total fidelity after marriage.
I agree with you (and with Kyle). And I’ve been thinking a lot about this since I had a daughter, too.
It isn’t easy, but it IS possible. We’ll never be able to take away our children’s agency, but we can teach them correct principles (moral, spiritual and health). Total purity before marriage isn’t just some arbitrary rule set out by parents, it’s a standard that is there to prevent the same suffering that Kyle cites.
I have a few concrete ideas on how to help achieve this, too. Email me if you want to discuss that further!
cd on Fri, 15th Aug 2008 8:20 am
I have never slept with anyone other than my husband — but he has a past before he came to the Lord. because of that, I have HPV. two strains of it that are a high risk for cervical cancer. I’ve already had one surgery to remove pre-cancerous cells from my cervix. it was devastating to me, but I hear it’s pretty common. it made me realize that although we can keep ourselves pure, if we marry someone who doesn’t have a perfect track record, we can still suffer the effects of a fallen world. the hpv vaccine is one i’ll definitely have my daughter get. however, the doc told me the strains that i have of it aren’t even covered in the vaccine, so it wouldn’t have even helped me
celeste on Fri, 15th Aug 2008 10:11 am
E You are absolutely right in your thoughts about this — i feel like conviction should be never judged nor debated.. it is your God given gift. Having said that, and raising 2 teenage daughters, I feel the exact same way. What message are we sending our girls, if we say to them, stay pure and wait for God’s best and when you get married give yourself fully to this one person… but just in case here take this vaccination to prevent HPV, in case there is a chance you might have sex. Out of all of the friends my girls have, most have gotten this vaccination, as young as Middle schoolers… I talked it over with my girls and explained to them what this vaccination is, and they chose not to get it. So stand by your conviction & be at peace, even if it means you stand alone….
Maggie on Fri, 15th Aug 2008 10:56 am
We are so on the same page with this. Lots of marriages are falling apart before my very eyes too. I have read that more than half of people will have a STD at some point in their lifetime. !!! Praise Jesus that God’s grace in my life and my husband’s life kept that from even being a possibility.
In a nutshell, I share your heavy heart on these issues.
Missing getting to see you every now and then. Oh, and I loved Avery’s birth story. Your candor is hilarious!
caroline on Fri, 15th Aug 2008 1:51 pm
e, the definition of purity has become so loose these days in our culture whether you’re Christian or not. I am so disappointed by this and it breaks my heart. But i am very hopeful b/c there are a handful of people that still fight for what purity really is. i too have friends right now in marital crisis and i’m really interceding for them. I have a friend who has a 10 year daughter and she’s been contemplating whether or not she should vaccinate her daughter with the HPV vaccine and she’s really torn. Life’s not easy, but we must stick to Christ’s gracious words. continue to share your thoughts…we’re all in this together.
stacey on Tue, 19th Aug 2008 8:44 pm
somedays i wonder if i am really preparing my daughter to meet up with the scary parts of the world. i pray that i am.
i would love for jordan to share her concrete ideas with us.
James on Wed, 20th Aug 2008 11:03 am
Having worked for an abstinence organization it is DEFINITELY possible. Maybe this article will be a bit encouraging:
http://acgyf.blogspot.com/2007/04/i-beg-to-differ-part-ii.html