Some Pictures and Yet Another Update

I figured I would post a couple recent photos.  I haven’t uploaded all our trip photos yet so those are still to come.  But here is a sampling of what I took on my phone.  

As far as Avery- The Doctor called me the other day and wants to test her for 2 more things.  Cystic Fibrosis and a parasite.  No one really thinks she has CF.  She doesn’t have any of the breathing issues that come with it.  But it is something that we would like to cross off the list now instead of later.  The other, I just have to bring a gross sample in  One of these days she is either going to be completely healed or we will figure out what is going on.  For now I just have peace and I’m thankful for that.  She looks so well that I’m pretty confident she has nothing terrible and untreatable.  But we could of course still use any prayers for her.  

I have been pretty busy with work because I just found out we are going to go to market in a couple weeks  (In ATL).  While I’m excited, it will be 6 days away from the kids.  I have never been away from Avery that long.   Luckily my days will be packed so it will hopefully pass quickly.  It’s funny to have your heart feel 2 opposing ways at the same time.  Such excitement to go mixed with such sadness to leave the kids.  ALSO I had a tripped planned with a good friend to go see No Doubt and am no way missing that.  So in the middle of being in ATL I will be flying to Chicago for a day to see Gwen Stephani.   So excited.  I hate that the trips had to overlap, (means I will miss the busiest day at market- and my Chicago trip is cut shorter).  But I’m excited that I still get to go.  

I feel like I haven’t talked about my Amazing Husband in awhile on here.  He is doing great.  I’m constantly amazed at what a great father he is.  I couldn’t do all I do with out his help and understanding.  I couldn’t have a better partner in life.  I’m so thankful for him.

Swollen Uvula

So weird, I woke up with that little thing hanging in the back of my throat totally swollen.  I thought I was going to choke on it, literally.  It kills.  So I did what any good 33 year old would do that was raised like me and just popped some Advil.  I just did a google search on swollen Uvula and it appears I did the right thing.  I also need to drink a lot today as it is from dry throat or dehydration most times.  Funny thing is I drank at least 5 tall waters yesterday.  That is more than normal for me.  Oh well.  I’m not rushing to call the dr. right now since I feel better that it will go away within 24 hours.

I am home from my trip and will post some pics soon.  Florida and the family was great.  It is always nice to return though.  For work I just found out I will be going to Market in a couple of weeks so I suddenly have a lot on my plate.  

My sweet friend Jordan and her family are coming this weekend.  I’m so excited to show her the life I have here in Franklin, TN.  I’m even doubly excited to see her and her family.  My boys will be in heaven.

Avery Mystery

So we are still trying to figure out why Avery is pretty much the same size as she was when she was 6 mos.  Our plan right now is for her to see the Endocrinologist (although her appt isn’t till end of August.) And that Gastro dr.  We have also switched her to soy forumula from Milk protein based formula.  It does appear she has milk sensitivity because this is causing her eczema to go away… however we have yet to see if it will help her gain weight.  

Aside from her size she is developing normally.  She is a little bit of a late bloomer but still within the averages.  She is crawling and pulling up, her hair is growing, her teeth are coming in, and she interacts so much with us.   

One thing that I’m slightly concerned about (though it is a VERY RARE disease and therefore unlikely that she has it…) It is called Abetalipoproteinemia (aka Bassen-Kornzweig syndrome).  Big words huh.  The two main symptoms for it in infants is Failure to Thrive (which Avery has been labeled) and spiculated red blood cells (which she has).  I have a call into her hematologist and am waiting for a call back.  She has a second blood test in a couple of weeks.  I’m praying hard that she doesn’t have this rare disease.  I’m not even going to go into what it is on here unless they tell me she has it.  Jeff is rather positive she doesn’t have it and I know the chances are very rare.  Still I want to know for sure so that I can have peace of mind.

Avery Losing Weight

It looks like Avery is losing weight again….  She had a weight check and went down.  They are calling her “failure to thrive” now.  We are switching her formula to soy because she is also having Eczema outbreaks.  The dr. said it is possible she is not absorbing some of the nutrients because of a dairy allergy.  She is also going to be seeing an Endocrinologist soon.  I’m just glad I know that her white blood cells are okay.  If she has an allergy it will be a pain, but at least it isn’t something worse.  So if you think of it, keep her in your prayers.

Also my step-mom has vertigo really bad for days now.  Meds are not healping it so they are doing an MRI right now to see if she has had an undetected stroke or something.  The dr. seemed pretty positive that is not what it is.  

Aiden is home now and has a long road of recovery ahead of him.  His parents need God-given strength and he needs rapid healing!

Continue Praying for Aiden

Thank you so much for your prayers for little Aiden.  His surgery went really well and the doctors found that his brain was further down than originally thought.  That just confirmed that the surgery was really necessary.  Please continue praying for him.  This recovery is rough and he is currently in the ICU.  His parents need strength, a lot of it.  Also pray that the insurance companies would cooperate and pay for it as they should.  It’s a real pain to fight them on things.

Also thank you for those that reached out in the last post.  I will pass on your info to Peggy and Ian.

Pray for Aiden Today

Hi Friends,

Yet another prayer request here.  One of my best friends, Peggy, has a son with a syndrome (chiari syndrome) where his brain slips into his neck.  At any rate, today at 10:30 central time he is undergoing surgery to remove a vertebrae and cut down his skull to make more room.  This will relieve the awful pain he endures and we are hoping it also will allow him to eat more normally.  He is a precious 5 year old and like a brother to Owen and Lukas.  His recovery will be approximately 6 weeks, though after the first 3 they said it will be difficult to hold him down.  For any of you with 5 year olds, imagine trying to get them to stay still.  They could use your prayer not only today but for this whole recovery period.  Oh and his name is Aiden.

Thanks so much!

Why Do I Go Off My Meds?

Seriously, you think I would learn.  I guess there is this part of me that once a year gets my hopes up that maybe I’m healed of the depression and anxiety disorder…  I tried to nix my abilify and just take effexor, but it didn’t go to well.  I spent a week wishing I could sink into my mattress never to re-emerge.  The reason- none.  Yes, for all you naysayers of depression being a real disease… I know none of it is rational.  I have tried everything else under the sun for curing it.  It is something I have talked about many times on mommyzabs through the years and it is something I haven’t ruled out being healed someday… but none the less it is a very real struggle for me (without meds).

I also spent a week riddled with anxiety.  When I get like this I have moments that are so hard to even breathe.  I’ll take one or two difficult breaths then I’ll realize I’m having trouble breathing.  Once that has happened I start over thinking breathing which makes it that much harder to breathe.  Then it starts getting worse and worse… I do my best to distract myself so that I don’t launch into a full on hyper ventalating panic attack…. Luckily I was able to do so each time.  But you know- it is no fun going through that over and over.  

Without meds it makes it extremely difficult to parent my 3 lovely children.  Right now they are the priority and I really shouldn’t experiment without them.  Let alone I was not doing it under the advisement of a doctor… I weaned, but who knows if I did it right.  So for now I’m back on and feeling SO MUCH BETTER.  

I hate the stigma that still lies with taking these kind of meds.  Even last night I was told a story that made me remember that even some close to me still find it to be a weakness to need them.  Something people should just be able to overcome.  Trust me, I wish I could.  I hate being on them.  But I realize the reason I hate being on them (besides it being a pain to remember to take something every morning), because of what others think, and really that is just absurd.  

We have come a very long way on how the world sees depression and anxiety disorders… but I still think in the church there is a way to go.  People don’t like to say it or admit it but often times, deep inside, those who can’t relate to the struggle view it as a mood or an outlook that someone should just be able to get over.  But they don’t realize that it isn’t a choice like which side of the bed you wake up on.  It’s more like a deep deep pit that you can’t find a ladder or a rope to boost yourself out of.  The longer you realize you are stuck there the more panicked you get.  You feel either panicked to get out or you sink and give in to the darkness.  Either way, it’s terrible.  

I struggled with this LONG before I ever went through any significant heartbreak or trauma in my life.  I didn’t realize that it was “something”.  I thought it was just it was normal until I started describing how I felt and realizing other people didn’t spend every day feeling like they were scaling a steep hill just to function.  But for so long instead of relief that there is a solution (meds) I spent years regretting that I needed something and feeling weak.  

I’m sick of that.  I should be grateful to God that there is medicine I can take that help me be a better mother.  Help me function.  Help me work.  I should be thankful that I can take something to feel “normal”.

I have never had a learning disability, but I imagine it like that some times.  Other people can naturally wake up and function.  I just need a little help.  

PS- now this is the kind of post I usually receive nasty comments on that often don’t make it through moderation.  So please spare me those.

Trick or Treat and Life in General

Well….  We did go trick or treating, but my battery was dead, hence no pictures.  So Jenn, Pam, Peggy, Jodi… please send me any and all  We had a blast and went in a whole pack of kids.  Our neighborhood is prime trick or treating because of the closeness of the houses and vast number of children.  We started the night on our street.  Most of the streets had what is called a “cider home” that would have cider, drinks, chili, and snacks.  That was great.  

People in this neighborhood go all out.  Many of the homes were decorated like they would be for Christmas, but with orange lights, webs, and spiders.  Some were a little scary for my taste, but most were just cutesie and fun.  

After the kids’ bags were so full they could hardly carry them we ended up with incredible chill time at my friend Peggy’s house.  She was so generous to open her house up last minute.  The kids’ played upstairs and the adults hung downstairs just having great chats and bonding  Trick or treat was a lot of fun for all involved.

Yesterday church was amazing.  My friends Peggy and Ian are going with us now and we love that.  My friend Jenn came along this Sunday and liked it.  The message was all about how the Kingdom of God is not an earthly one, not tangible, but the Israelites were looking for that.  He compared it to how we are looking for that in our political system, that we have to remember regardless of the outcome we have an intangible kingdom that can not be shaken.  That maybe even if Obama wins it will actually energize his people to pray and seek out rivival instead of sitting back and doing nothing like the religious right did during the Bush administration.  He said regardless of who is president our call is the same.  

This wasn’t used during the sermon but in Psalm 146:3 it says, “Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save.”  I cling to this verse right now.  The fact is you have not seen on this blog a ton of McCain excitement.  Not that I don’t like McCain, I do… but this time around I don’t think all in the Christian world will be right if he is on the “throne” (so to speak)…. But I do think a lot will be wrong if Obama is.  But either way it should not shake our resolve.  We trust in a supernatural authority of our Lord God Creator of all.  I do think that Obama’s policies will not be good for the health of our country and I feel they are in direct contrast to how our fore-fathers set up our government and authorities.  I think if he does all he says he will that our nation (after a few years) will see some pretty depressing times that make the times we are in now look like the “good ole days”.  But regardless, we will serve the Lord. In good times and bad times.  I’m so thankful to have more than our President and Congress to trust in.  

Ecclesiastes 7:14- “When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future.

That’s all I got for today.

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A Culture of Fear

I once worked for a company that loved fear. In their opinion fear was the oil that kept the wheels turning. Apparently for them fear gave them the will to work harder, the ability to feel they controlled things. I remember sitting in a quarterly briefing hearing the gospel of this fear mentality. I cringed, hoding hands with a dear friend, as we heard the CEO talk about those around us disappearing because they were “abusing the brand”. Abusing the brand meant you didn’t fear losing your job enough. It meant something in your life held more importance than the company. Out of the mouth of that same CEO came the statement that “brand abuse was worse than child abuse.” .

At another briefing the human resources retail recruiter stood up and talked about how “afraid” he was every day he came into work. He talked about a recent retreat some regional managers had taken. Apparently in a campfire setting they started all disclosing the deep sense of fear they felt that they wouldn’t make their numbers. That they would lose their jobs. Fear Fear Fear…. and it was Praised. The CEO then got up and proclaimed that we should all be sharing in this fear. Fear was Celebrated.

Sorry, not my cup of tea.

But am I less guilty?

My stock is falling, hard. My net worth plummeting. I have felt sick to my stomach this week.

Then I went to church this morning and had my perspective readjusted. I had to repent for being so fearful. The fact is God is my Rock, not my stock portfolio. He is my provider… not my trust-fund. Is it sad to see the state of the economy right now- yes. But fear- NO. Because I’m blessed to have more than what is seen. I have the Lord. I have the joy and security that he has placed in my heart.

I will fear no more.

Psalm 27:3-5 (New International Version)
3 Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then will I be confident.
4 One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.
5 For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock.

Matthew 7:24-27 (New International Version)
24″Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

I Just Had a Baby. That’s why.

Amazing how God uses such things to humble us.  Today I actually decided instead of going to bed after Avery’s morning feeding I would go to the gym at 6am.  Good for me right? I get there and first hit the eliptical for a 10 minute warm up.  My theighs were burning after one minute. ONE MINUTE! I pushed through the whole 10 (i know good for me,) and then proceeded to stretch.  Have I mentioned I’m not NEAR as flexible as I used to be?  Okay let me back up before I get to lifting weights.

You have to understand that most of the time since I was 18 I have weight trained…. not to be big and steroid-man-like, but to be toned.  Sure, a year here and there I have taken off.  But for the most part I worked out.  I love lifting.

Flash forward to the present.  I’m 32 (which by the way I thought I was 33 till my husband corrected me the other day,) I just had my third baby.  I’m terribly out of shape.  I go to lift on new machines I have never used, and I’m out of “good form”.  The fact is, I needed help.  I ended up asking some older, much older, man how to adjust one of the machines from leg extension to leg curl.  Later he came by and told me I needed to come up higher on my ab curls.  He was really hesitant to offer his advice and I understand why.

In the gym, people (including me) like to feel like know it alls… It’s hard to be corrected.  It’s hard to ask for help.  But today I just laughed at myself because I knew I needed it, and yes it was humbling, but I asked for help a couple times anyway.  Still all during that I wanted a shirt with big, fat letters on it shouting “I JUST HAD A BABY, THAT’S WHY!”

Three times in the past couple weeks people have mistaken me as a pregnant woman.  One simply said, “wait I thought you already had the baby?” another, “when is your baby due?” and still another, “Have you signed up for our baby registry yet?”

I find myself unwilling to let my husband take the baby in a mall.  Why? Because if I have a baby people don’t think I’m pregnant.  So where is that shirt?  I need that shirt.

But the fact of the matter is, who cares about the shirt?  It’s good to be humbled. Why do we as humans always have to defend ourselves, explain ourselves, make excuses?  Why can’t we (or maybe it’s just ME?) let people think what they think and not care.  That was the freeing part of the gym today.  I was able to let go and just let people think what they wanted to think. And truthfully,  I really doubt they spent any significant minute of their day thinking of me anyway

So on a totally random unrelated note…  If you type this into google- “Obama late term abortion” A post I wrote on January 30th of this year comes up… I’m right between MSNBC and Reuters.  Now THAT is funny.  As if this silly little mommy-blog is news material. How do I know this?  I noticed that page was getting a ton of hits.  It seems with all the recent info. on Obama and how he thinks it is fine to kill babies once they are born from a botched late term abortion (and how he now denies that,) people have been googling that and finding my page.  They may be a little disappointed to find it is just some girl blowing off steam.

I’m off to enjoy the weekend and hopefully get part of my house painted.  Have a good one.

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