16 Years

I’m writing today because it is threraputic for me.  I am not writing because I want to be flowery or try to be poetic- to me it is just raw.

This morning marks 16 years since cancer pushed my mom home to heaven.  I was 1 week shy of turning 18.  By now I have known life with out my mom just as long as I can consciously remember life with my mom.  What a strange reality.

This year more than ever I’m realizing how this effects my relationship with my sweet children. I’m longing to hold on to the moments I share with them more and more.  The reality that you have them for 18 years and then things change (which is just a part of life) is really hitting me.  My stomach sinks at the fact that almost 6 of those have already passed for my oldest.  Time feels like sand slipping through my fingers.  I long to clasp it as hard as possible and not let any tumble out- but that is impossible.

I know the fact that I lost my mom at barely 18 makes this time-line seem even more dire to me.  Of course after 18 years (Lord willing) I will still have an amazing relationship with my children.  But I do realize in the deepest parts of me how much we are unaware of what the future holds.  For me it is hard to imagine a mother to child relationship that surpasses the age of 18.  These days are slipping by so fast.

On a practical level we are just trying to implement more routines and traditions.  I want my kids to look back on their childhood and smile so huge it brings tears to their eyes.  We’ve ditched eating out (most of the time) for family dinner at the actual dinner table.  We have found Avery eats much better there and we can better cheer her on and encourage her to eat.  We pray together and each take turns talking about our favorite things from the day.  It is so precious to see the kids so excited to share and hear what each other is sharing.  At night we are reading 1 book and then 1 or 2 chapters our of their Kid’s Study Bible.  They hang on every word and it seems to be their favorite time of night.

Right now my children just flat out my priority.  I’m not saying they were not my priority before, but for some reason it just seems more urgent to me these days to make sure I make the best of the time I spend with them.

Next year we are home-schooling Owen.  Truthfully, I have really missed him while he is at school all day.  Lukas will still do Pre-K a couple days a week so that I have special time with Owen to get him used to having school at home.  I know it will be a challange to take on especially with the things on my plate, but first grade does not take the hours at home that it takes at school.  2 hours maybe?  And I know it is a priority to us.  Jeff is here to help and we will just schedule our time accordingly.  I don’t know what each additional year for us will hold, but we have so much peace to start this homeschool journey.

Anyway, I’m a little emotional today. The way I’m spending time in my life is becoming more important to me with each passing day.  I miss my mom so much.  The people we love that surround us are so important.  Hug that person you are so thankful for today.  Kiss on your kids.  Tell people you love them.

Thanks for letting me get it out.

Haiti

By now you have probably heard that Haiti has had a severe earthquke.  Devestating.  Surreal.  A place that was already so impoverished.  I decided just in case it helped spread info in anyway to post a letter from a neighbor on the ground there and link to their organization and several others that have money going straight to haiti.  These are organizations I trust 100%.

First the letter… written by Mark Stuart (formerlly of the band Audio Adrenaline) He and his wife Aegis now have an organization with an orphanage in Haiti.  All in the orphanage were spared, but their is unexplainable massive destruction all around them.  At one point Aegis wrote on her facebook that she looked behind the orphanage and the mountain was literally splitting open.

Mark Wrote:

Hi everyone….
Our internet is working finally.  So I’m sending this to a few of you….
Everyone here is ok, but we are all very scared.  The buildings held up great, but there are several houses right around us that have collapsed.  Also, Hotel Cyvadier had major damage, while the brand new three story “peace of mind” hotel was demolished.  Francine, one of our teenage nannies was in afternoon school and escaped while the building was collapsing around her because she was sitting by the door…however many of her classmates died yesterday.  Many houses and and buildings have collapsed in Jacmel including the hospital.  I know most of the news there is coming from PAP, but there is substantial loss of life here on the south coast.  We need prayer for wisdom and strength.  Its very chaotic here.  We were able to buy diesel this morning and hopefully get more propane for cooking tomorrow.  Last night was crazy…slept on the dirt in the center of the village…away from the buildings.  Tonight we may venture back indoors, but that is yet to be decided.  We go in and out to get necessities.  The Haitian people are numb and sad to say very used to death, but this has created what seems to be a hypnotic state.  I’ve never been in a situation were you feel SO helpless, fearful, and small.  The tremors are coming again as i type this. Whoa!!!
Mark

Here are some very important links of Christian organizations to pray for and donate to.

Hands and Feet Project- This is the project Mark and Aegis work with.  It is an orphanage.  He is also posting updates.

Conduit Mission- 100% of money being wired straight to Haiti.  The guy the runs this is Darren, he’s a great guy and hiw word is golden.

Convoy of Hope- This is an organization run by the Assemblies of God in Springfield, MO.  They are getting ready to send volunteers over.  One of my friends, Chris Dudly, is waiting to hear if he will be going. Please keep him in your prayers. Will update if he is sent.

Care International- This is an incredible organization that I have already blogged about in the past.  They have people in the Dominican Republic right now that are going to provide relief.
Don’t understimate the power of prayer.  Our people over there need prayer for strength and guidance probably more than ever before.