Chaotic Mess

My house has been really cluttered and awful lately.  I feel like I can’t get on top of it.  Once I get it all picked up it just gets incredibly messy again.  I know my busy-ness doesn’t help.  I hate that when my house is like this, it causes me to have this general sense of anxiety.  With 3 little ones who are very active it is only normal that my house would be this way… so I wish I could just accept it as fact and not let it stress me out so much.  I’m sure it doesn’t help that I’m in the process of switching my meds.  That has to make me more vulnerable to anxiety considering without them I’m a panicky mess.

On a side note-  You know you are in trouble when you wear a top you hate because it is clean and it fits.  Is that the definition of being that women that “lets it go”?  Gosh- I hope not.  It is a reality check though.  I have to get back to fitting in my cute clothes.  I haven’t stopped being fashion conscious, I’m just not near as fashion concerned… Which professionally just won’t work for me.  So here is to trying harder!  The HCG diet starts in about a week… so that should help.  Cute jeans, please fit again.

Just When I Thought it was OVER…

I was wrong.  Here I am back at Mommyzabs.com again.  I feel really silly now for my dramatic stomp off stage that will be on the internet forever.  Yes, I was upset.  I have been upset.  I fell like I lost my place to be everything that is all me.  That it was getting indirectly censored.  It hasn’t been censored because anyone told me I could boisterously voice my strongly held opinions here… but my own guilt over making some of my dear friends feel unwelcome haunted me.  They would check in to see how my life was going and get hit over the head with a very opposing view of the way they saw/see the world.  It made them not feel so great and put strains on too many relationships.  

The solution?.  A new place to vent.  NO I didn’t buy another domain name that I will have to design and keep up.  I just may start spewing on someone else’s elsewhere.  Who knows, maybe it won’t work out… but if it does trust me I will direct you there and if you already know what I’m going to say is going to offend you- you don’t have to visit.  More information forthcoming…

In the meanwhile so many things, thoughts, feelings, transitions, beliefs, I have had I could update you on.  I’ll have to spread them out  Owen starting kindergarten, New thoughts on depression (and my ongoing battle with it), Lukas starting preschool, The HCG diet (again),  my pastor losing his son and learning from his grief (about my own,) Life, life and more life.  (now that was definitely a sentence I would get in trouble for in Ms. Bell’s english class.)  Did I ever mention how she told me I was a horrible writer and to stick to Science and Math?..  Oh the silly scars that stick with us…  I don’t want my kids to ever get those itchy things.  I hope no teacher ever speaks that kinda crap over them.   How about the time in 6th grad a personality evaluator told me that my (then) dream of being a lawyer would never happen and I would be a failure.  One look at the “code” my personality test gave me and she thought it was okay to call a sixth grader a failure.  Nice.  Okay- I’m not ranting or anything.  It only still hurts a little…   

WOW Tangent, sorry about that.  Have a good one,  I gotta help my kindergartner with his lower-case i’s.

MommyZabs.Com Closed

Well.  For many reasons I’m just not going to write for awhile.  Maybe forever?  (though knowing me I doubt that).  I’m not going to take MommyZabs down because I have used it as a family journal for so long that I would hate to lose that.  The primary reason for closing is being busy…  But in addition to that I’m really truly saddened and sickened by the state of the country right now.  I don’t like where we are going as a nation in so many ways and this is no longer a “safe” place to vent.  Not because people are after me or anything   But because too many of my friends and I disagree and because they continue reading and it has effected our relationship… I don’t feel comfortable posting my thoughts anymore.  

In addition to that I’m sure most of you have heard about the white house’s new call to rat on your neighbors for spreading SO CALLED “mis-information” about the “health care option” they are trying to pass.  Because I feel that many of the things going around from educated sources is NOT mis-information and because I see this as a move toward one health care government run system and not simply an option… I would therefore become a “mis-information” source.  Truth telling has never been so censored. 

So I’m out for awhile.  I’m too angry and depressed about this country to write.  

I’m sure at some point I’ll be back.

The 5th anniversary party I was planning on holding for the blog with giveaways is cancelled.  Maybe I’ll start writing again on the 10th anniversary, if the country hasn’t gone communist by then.