Excited

Today I woke up with the most BIZARRE feeling.  I was excited.  Not for anything in particular… just EXCITED!  It was like the feeling you have when you are a kid and you wake up on field trip day, or the first day of school.  Today is just a normal day… lots to get done, not enough time (or energy) to do it.  There is nothing special about today.  But for some reason I’m excited.  

More than anything this pointed out to me how NOT excited I usually wake up.  I’m your typical melancholy.  Mornings are hard for me.  I love to sleep and waking up means the end of sleeping- so not fun.  

I like waking up this way.  I wish I woke up this way more often.  I wonder, do normal people that don’t suffer from depression feel this way when they wake up normally?  Does it just seem like excitement to me because it is such a contrast to the depression that normally awaits me when I wake up in the morning.  The depression that usually takes awhile to work out of my system in the morning?  

My new prayer is that I can approach every day like this, it is such a relief.

Manic Mother- Help Ezra Kick Leukemia

I read about this on Momdot.com and it struck a chord with me.  As you know recently we had a health scare with Avery.  Last minute all her levels went back to normal and it turned out it was just that, a scare.  No cancer.  This Mother (manicmother.com) didn’t have the same relief my husband and I shared.  Her darling son, Ezra, has Cancer.  Please read my repost of hers and see if there are any ways you can help.  They are asking that people either repost Ezras story, or donate money.  I take the liberty of adding prayer to that list.  This family is entering a 3 year battle and they need community to surround them and help them.

Here is the original post…

 

I don’t even know where to start this post…its going to be hard to write, as I am already choking back tears and haven’t finished the first sentence. I am taking some hours away from the hospital, to write this and to try to clear my head.

As many of you know my youngest son was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL) 2 days ago, the day my world fell out from under me.

We took him to the Dr. the other day because he was bitten by either a spider or a tick. Shortly after we noticed the bites we saw he wasn’t feeling well, kind of lethargic, and not eating much, he also was limping in one leg. I assumed he was having a reaction from the bites.

They did an x-ray of his legs to make sure he hadn’t fractured anything as a precautionary measure. The x-ray showed he had some abnormalities in his bones.

We are in the grocery store and I get a call from his pediatrician, he tells me I need to take him to the ped. oncology tomorrow. That it could be cancer. My world is spinning now, we walk away from our filled grocery cart, and head back home. Panic starts to set in.

It still is not making any sense. Ezra has been a perfectly healthy baby. He shows none of the typical symptoms of ALL. Besides being pale (but we all are), and the limp that just showed up. He is healthy, or so I thought. How do you go from a limp to leukemia?

After seeing the pediatric oncologist we are still hopeful, since he also says he doesn’t see any of the symptoms. So they take some blood and we are on our way.

That night we get a call from him, and our told to take him to the ER. We rush our baby off in the middle of the night. At the ER my husband and I have to endure things no parent should ever have to see, I don’t think I can go into detail. Just imagine blood curdling screams from your baby, like nothing you have ever heard.

We are told later that night that it probably is leukemia. Still have to wait for final lab results though. Sure enough he has cancer. Holy shit, my baby has cancer.

He is doing good so far, he had surgery to place a port in his chest so they can administer the chemo, and that went well. He has had 2 rounds of chemo already, and is staying tough.

His spinal test came back negative, meaning the cancer had not yet spread to his spine and brain…we caught it really early.

Thank you spider.

The type of leukemia he has is the most treatable type, it has the highest remission and cure rate. Silver lining perhaps?

That doesn’t take away from the fact that he now faces 3 years of chemotherapy. 3 years.

Here is where we need your help.

We are by no means financially well off. I stay at home with the boys, and my husband works PT and goes to school FT. We live off of his little pay and student loans.

We also share a car.

We can’t afford a new one…or even a used one. I am going to be taking Ezra to the Dr. 2-3 times a week, there is no way we can share a car, with my husband having to go back and forward from school and work. Not to mention if he gets a fever I have to take him to the Dr. ASAP.

His insurance should cover all of his medical bills. Its just the other things we can’t afford.

We also need to make my home more suitable for Ezra, I need to have the plumbing, and ac serviced to make sure it is clean. Any bacteria infection can kill him. We just don’t have the funds to do so. Yes, my family is helping out some, but their means are limited as well. Not to mention much of their money will be spent flying down to help me (they live in MN).

I am a proud person, I do not like being a charity case. But given the current situation, I am swallowing my pride, and asking for any help you can give.

Even if its only a dollar, I would be thrilled.

If you don’t have a dollar (I know I don’t) , please help out by blogging about this, tweeting, stumbling, etc. I have seen how Mommy bloggers rally to help each other out in times of need, and I know you will all do the same for us.

I am putting a paypal button in this post for donations, and there will also be one up in my sidebar, which I know works. I don’t know if this one will work, its so confusing and my head hurts, but we need help ASAP so I am trying to muddle through this.

Please help in anyway you can, thanks so much, and keep the prayers and thoughts coming.

Go Here for the original post.  The Paypal button in the post is not working.  If you wish to donate please visit the original post page and use the sidebar.

I know Ezra will be in my prayers.

Pictures From the Beach

Graduation Day

I can’t believe he’s actually graduating Preschool.  After much thinking and praying we have decided to send him to Kindergarten at our church’s new school.  The classes are small and the school is small.  If it were between the public school and pre-k 2 I would probably put him through another year of Preschool.  Not because I have a problem with the public schools, but his is SO crowded and I know it would just overwhelm him right now.  We have so much peace with this decision.  It is crazy though how the time has flown.  My little boy will be in school 5 days a week next year.  Crazy.  

I wonder if I will cry on his first day?  I wonder what it will be like.  Moms describe some pretty crazy emotions associated with the first day of Kindergarten.  I just don’t know if I’m more excited about the school he is going to be going to, or sad that he is growing up too fast.  I guess I will know in a few months.

Makin’ Changes

Well.  Things have gotten crazy around here.  I have discovered I have taken on too much and had to make hard decisions.  One of those is to stop reviewing at Does Mommy Love It?  Caroline is going to be the girl in charge instead of us being a team as much.  Mommy Loves Does Mommy Love It? so it will always be close to my heart and from time to time I’ll be in there behind the scenes  Last night I did a re-design of it that is still in the works.  I’m really excited for some of the changes Caroline has planned though.  She has a team of really great reviewers that will each be posting once a week.  I know that Does Mommy Love It? is going to be better for it.

My focus is going to be on continuing to get The Bomb Mom off the ground.  Right now in order to save as much as possible I’m wearing every hat from design, to website management, to fulfillment and onward.  I love it, but it is a lot right now.  

Obviously I have done some re-arranging of Mommy Zabs.  I have some plans for this site as well.  The design is not quite complete so expect some changes over the next week or so.  It’s so funny because there have been times I have thought of shutting down this site all together.  But I have been doing it since 2004 and I just can’t bring myself to do it.  At times I have created controversy, friction between my friends for voicing my honest opinions… something we are supposedly able to do on blogs… but I have hated that friction and don’t all together understand it.  Those nights I lay in bed and have had to stop myself from wiping out this domain all together.  BUT I just can’t do it.  So for now, if your still reading, I’m still here, writing.  I MAY try to be less overtly opinionated on the politics…  I don’t know.  That’s hard because it is a large part of who I am and what I care about.  But now more than ever the people I love are polarized.  So maybe this just isn’t the place for it anymore?  I mean it should be able to be… but I also like not having my friends disown me.  I don’t know, we’ll see how long this lasts…

Okay, I forgot to mention I have a HORRIBLE cold.  Oh and that we had to take Owen to the ER today because we thought he broke his arm (he didn’t).  And also that my sweet little O graduated from Preschool today (sniff).  Time is flying.  I started this blog when he was born… and now he is moving on to Kindergarten.  Wow.  Well, more on that and pictures and video tomorrow.

What a WEEK!

Well first of all I wanted to update you that Avery’s results came back almost PERFECT!  Her Hemoglobin F was where it should be as was her Monocyte count!  The only thing that they found that was cause for some monitoring is that her red blood cells (not all of them though) are the wrong shape.  They are what is called Piculated.  Right now it could mean nothing.  We will just be monitoring her weight and have another blood test in a month and a half to check it again.  We really believe that a miracle happened.  The Dr. absolutely can not explain her weight gain.

Another huge thing that happened this week is that Owen asked “Jesus into his heart” (so to speak in Christianese!)  He had started asking me a lot about death because he knows my mom died before he was born.  I answered all his questions as honestly as I could and as simply as I could for his level.  We started talking about Heaven and Hell and Jesus etc.  He decided he wanted to go to heaven to be with Jesus when he dies some day.  He got so excited about seeing Jesus.  We talked more about what that meant and he decided he wanted that.  We prayed together, it was so beautiful!  So he turns 5 and gives himself to God

THEN he and Lukas had swim lessons all week and they both learned to swim!  AND he learned to ride without training wheels yesterday.  Next week he graduates from Preschool (sniff sniff)… time is flying.

Avery Update

First off I just want to thank everyone for their prayer and support.  I have felt so much love around us.  I also wanted to update you on our appointment today.

We don’t have a ton of answers yet as we are still waiting on results from the blood test.  We do have a major praise though.  In this last week Avery gained 2 lbs…. that after  months of only losing weight!  The Hemotologist was very encouraged by this.  He was a great doctor and explained to us what his concerns were and how high her levels were etc.  But the more he watched her and interacted with her the more encouraged he was about her.  He said that she looks like nothing but a super healthy baby.  He told us that tells him a lot and that he wouldn’t be surprised at all if she had been fighting something so strongly in her immune system that wasn’t being exhibited by her outward symptoms.  He said we still needed to look at all her levels to be sure.  So what we are waiting on are 2 things:

1. her monocyte count.  This should be around 1000 and was 1764… we want to see that go down not up.
2. this thing called hemoglobin F.  You have when you are in the womb and after you are born it gradually changes to hemoglobin A in the first year.  The only reason it wouldn’t do this would indicate that there are stressors in her bone marrow.  We want to see this number virtually non-existant.

I’m really encouraged though because She has had so much prayer from all of you, so many others, and we when we went forward for prayer at church yesterday morning.  I really think it is possible she has been healed from whatever it was that was battling with her body.  I’m going to choose to believe that at least until I’m told otherwise.

On another note, my grandpa went into the hospital yesterday with shortness of breath and ashen color.  He is feeling somewhat better now but will be undergoing heart catheter wednesday so please lift him up in your prayers.

Thanks again so much.

PS- IT’s OWEN’s 5th BIRTHDAY!!!!  But festivities are a little behind

Avery’s Health

Some of you already know that on Friday we got a call from our doctor that we needed to go down to children’s with Avery and get her blood drawn.  She hasn’t grown in several months and the dr. wanted to make sure everything was fine.  This morning we got a call from the doctor and got the results.

Her liver and thyroid are great.  The problem is with her Monocyte (a white bloods cell) count.  It is “elevated”.  She said she was hesitant to call because she didn’t want to “ruin our vacation”, but that she thought we would want to know.  She called the pediatric hematologist (blood doctor) first thing this morning and asked what he would do.  He said he needs to run another blood test and look for more things and that he needed to see Avery by a week.  She told us not to come home but to have the appointment first thing when we do.

She did say that she was pretty sure it didn’t indicate cancer because the count would most likely be even higher.  Of course we do what you aren’t suppose to do and look it up on the internet and most of the indications of high monocyte count is leukemia.  We’re trying hard to not think about it and just be patient/ give it to God.

Avery’s appointment is at 10:20 Monday down at Children’s. Please keep Avery in your prayers as we know how very powerful those are.