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I truly want input on this. I have been surfing around the internet and blogosphere reading up on Hurricane Katrina. Causes, opinions, personal stories…. Some bloggers have even opened up their homes. At the same time I am watching the news. People on the bridge (one of the few high places) begging for someone to help them leave. Anger, pain, frustration is being poured out. There is no way my head or heart can accurately grasp what it is like to be there now. I just saw a pregnant woman on a bridge who had just walked 4 miles to get there. She was dehydrated and appeared to be going through labor. Lord, please have mercy on these people. I know the more days pass, the more horror we will hear of. Eventually bodies will be able to be counted. Eventually we will probably have more knowledge than we know what to do with. I’m afraid that news will be devastating.

But here is what I want to bring up, because I don’t get it. But maybe I’m just super-naive? I read on one blog a theory that possibly these areas will not get the response that 9-11 did as far as outpouring of help from fellow Americans. The theory suggested that possibly because these areas are “black” and “poor” Americans will not care as much. This astonished me. All I see is so much help being poured out. The average Joe cannot do much but pray, open their house, and give money to organizations like the red cross. The first of many Navy ships are being sent right now. Florida has sent help from virtually every precinct. Rescue missions are on-going and will be until there are no more to rescue. This only being one of the early days, obviously there is so much more to be done. My hear aches at these images. Everyone that I have been around or talked to has also been shaken by this. Never once did I think less because of the race or class of these people. Not one person I have talked to has even come close to suggesting this either. Am I crazy? Or is that notion crazy?

I believe their will be an outpouring of help for this area. 9-11 and this event are very different. But both incredibly tragic and completely incomprehensible to the human mind. 9-11 was an intentional mass murder by evil people. This was a sick mass murder by nature. By our fallen environmental system. Regardless of the causes though… Does it change the pain? Does it change the need for help?

Speaking of causes… There are literally people out there already trying to place blame. WHAT? Apparently Robert Kennedy Jr. has already blamed Bush for this because of treaty that was not signed. I would like to place a link for this if it is true, but I have not yet been able to verify the report, so right now it is hearsay. If I find it I will post it. This is not a time for blame, but for action, prayers, heartbreak. I mean technically many of these people should have left before the storm. But realistically I’m sure not everyone could get out. But this is NOT a political issue. This is not the fault of a person or dogma. This was unpreventable.

Please post your thoughs.

1. Looters- can you believe it? (YES, as humans there is a sin nature and with out Christ we are capable of evil), these crazies looting during such a tragedy. I mean on one hand maybe it is a response to feeling desperate and without hope? And I want to be sensitive to that. BUT PLEASE PEOPLE RAISE YOUR CHILDREN WITH SOME AMOUNT OF DECENCY!! I just don’t get it. I feel horrible that an absolutely devastating situation down there has to be made worse and that enforcement that could be out there saving more people has to be wasted on people who are starting fires, and stealing. Katrina was bad enough. Look for someone to help, not take advantage of.

2. Bruises- Poor little O. He has been having a rough one in the hotel. For some reason he isn’t adjusting well this time. I think part of it is the cold that he seems to have now. Last night he was up several times screaming at the top of his lungs… (we are sleeping in the same room.) This is really out of character for him. I finally grabbed him and put him in bed with us. He usually refuses to sleep with us. I have to say it was a piece of heaven for me. I don’t think I could handle it on a daily basis as a dependency… I am one that likes to sleep with space. BUT, I sure ate it up last night. It was more than yummy. And he stayed asleep! I think he was just scared and needed some extra security. Today he had many tantrums, and fell all over the place. We have a bump on the forehead, a skinned eyebrow, and a bruise extending like a stripe from the right side of his lip up to his upper cheek. Poor baby. Sleep Good tonight O.

3. Mold- We are still in the hotel until further notice. We ripped up some more stuff today- or should I say they did at my asking. They were actually going to try and lay wood this morning with the situation still very unresolved??? WHAT? So tomorrow and inspector is going to come out and access the situation. He will provide a letter if he thinks everything has been done correctly. And that will give us a legal document should the issue come back up. Oh I miss my house. It is such a mess right now. But I have much to be thankful for given that my house isn’t under water up to the roof like some are now.

Yes it is true. Meridith has a birthday today.
Go give her some love

Yes, I am queen bee in the Jackson household! We are adding another boy. Which gives us a total of 1 husband, 2 baby boys, and 2 boy cats. I’m super excited! I would post the ultrasound but we are in a hotel right now while they are trying to salvage our house. The problem there just keeps getting bigger. Unfortunately, I spent my day dealing with contractors and making sure they don’t do me wrong. I had reasons to be paranoid because lately I have heard things like,

-It doesn’t matter really if there is mold in my wall because it is confined and can no longer grow and it isn’t being rubbed in our face or anything.

-(walked in on) “well, not sure what to do she already knows she has mold….” AHEM i’m here!

-The infra-red camera will pick up mold. (keep in mind this camera judges TEMPERATURE!!!) This was very obviuosly pointed out to be untrue.

-FINALLY…. I get them to cut into the wall… and voila!!! THERE IS STILL AN AREA LETTING IN WATER! argh. (that would have never been discovered had they not opened up the wall like I asked.

SO now I’m arguing that I know there is more mold in the other areas that had wandering water.
I felt like I was at a Used Car Lot with a bunch of men ready to give me a pitch. My normal warrenty lady was out sick today. Needless to say, my dining room wall is all cut up… and now I am afraid they will need to do the same in my living room. I hate that I’m having to fight for everything on this. Jeff is at work during the day so I am left to battle it out with the car lot men… and truthfully I’m running out of steam. “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.”

On top of the housing issues… Owen is going through something. All through dinner he violently threw his food every where. And he has had several inconsolable temper tantrums this evening. Once again I find myself at my wits end trying to handle all going on around me.

It sucks that this day where we were able to see our new little boy punching and kicking around inside of me couldn’t be a day full of being excited for that.

However,
God is good, all the time.
Prayers appreciated.

I love my family! Just had to say that.

I’ll never forget that dramatic scene. My friend Meridith and I were lying in bed of a guest room in a new friends’ house. She was trying to sleep. I was balling my eyes out. Every ounce of the emotion I felt at that moment was completely real, intensely painful. It was the summer of 2000, I was 24, and suddenly I felt as if my life was headed in the direction of nowhere.

I had graduated the summer of 1999, and briefly continued working in my career at the same prestigious company I had co-op’d with the previous 3 years. While being there I realized I was in an area of the company that I lacked passion for. But being that it was a job most in my field would pine for, I trekked on. Fortunately, my boss was a good friend and strong Christian. She saw through it all, and really needed someone she knew she could pass the torch to. After tears on both ends we knew my season there was ending. The problem for me was not the leaving, but the lack of a place to go. I won’t ramble on about all the different ideas I had for a moment. But I will talk about what brought me to this darkness and what I have learned since.

I found myself in Nashville, TN. I was considering a move there with a group of my closest friends. I had no clue why I was going to move there, but it was the only place I had a peace about. Nashville had relatively no market for my field of work, but it still seemed to be right. It was a couple months before the move that night I laid weeping in bed. I felt lost, forgotten, abandoned, and forsaken- by God.

All of my friends’ lives seemed to be moving forward. Things we had prayed for them for so long were actually coming to fruition in their lives. This brought me joy for them. However, this night all I could feel was the pain of being left out of the plan. For me this was a time of darkness. God was only giving me enough light to see the next step. Everyone else was seeing so much further than that. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t see past the broken heart of a break-up, lack of a job, lack of a plan, and the lack of anything that resembled forward motion. This hurt more than words could articulate. This was one of those moments where you truly feel that the Holy Spirit must have had to intercede for you in groans words cannot express.

Looking back, it seems silly. Really. God never forgot me. He was true to his promise. He was there in the dark at every moment. He didn’t leave. I was not forsaken. Within a few years I had met and married the man God created me to be with. My career was in my field and was successful. My first child was on his way. I sit here in 2005 and laugh. Then my tears were for life not seeming to move forward. These days I cry because life is moving forward so fast and I feel I can’t get a break.

God is God in the dark times. Ever since that dark season, I have not once questioned God’s presence. I have not once wondered if he really had a plan for me.

At times God leads us through the darkness. We can’t see anything. We are begging for answers and can’t seem to find them. Not anywhere. But God may be ready to unleash a season in life where he is pouring out His answers. He wants us to keep stepping with him, to abide with him. Walking in faith. Walking in relationship. When he does begin to pour out parts of his plan, when answers seem to be coming from everywhere, never forget the times of darkness. They build essential character in a way only pain can provide. Our God of light is also our God in darkness.

Owen’s bunk beds are in! One step closer to having a “Big Boy” Room!!! Crazy! So I need help. Here are some bedding options I’m considering. Keep in mind, My version won’t be as busy. The wood on his bed and furniture is dark (maybe I should add a pic of that) His grandparents also have several HUGE stuffed animals. I think a dolphin, a mom and baby turtle… and I can’t remember what else…. I don’t know if that really needs to go with it or not…
Anyway here are some I have been looking at.

I am so worn out. I’m coming down with something. My throat kills and my nose keeps running, it hurts to move around. I have contractors in my house and it is very loud. Owen is ready to carry on as normal. It is to loud to nap. This is a day I wish I could beg a grandma of Owen’s to come over and take over. But not reality. And not reality for many many people… so I can’t have a pity party. Just count your thousands of millions of blessings if you have family in town that helps. My neighbor has a 3 year old baby and a newborn. Her mom is over all the time helping. She has tons of family in and out of their house all the time. I tell her everytime I see her how blessed she is.

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